As we are witnessing in so many aspects of life right now, and with everything that’s happening in the world, the old systems and constructs that have been at the bedrock of our culture for hundreds of years – are crumbling from underneath us.
We have long been existing inside of a culture and in a world that does not value human life. That is evidently clear with the latest course of events and what’s been being exposed and coming into the light.
And if we live in a world that doesn’t value human life, then by default, we also live in a world that doesn’t value the sanctity of marriage or the family unit.
One of the oldest constructs and programming of our culture that directly effects marriage today – that is crumbling down and longer serves us is: SEPARATISM.
Many of the marital problems that exist today are caused largely by the programming of separatism. From our gender, to our race, to our social class, to our credit scores, separatism has been deeply ingrained and programmed subconsciously into all of us from childhood. Not to mention most of us come from divorced households. We have been programmed to believe that separate is normal. Separate is a way of life. Separate is just the way of things. Separate is good.
When it comes to marriage and relationship, the problem with this is, we can’t ever be ONE with our partners when we see ourselves as separate from them, that everything is their fault, and come from the thought process of: “If only my PARTNER would change we could be happy.”
Separatism doesn’t work, and expecting your partner to be the one to change and be different doesn’t work either.
The new era in marriage that is being ushered in is: we are all “same as.” We are not better than our partner. We are not less than our partner. WE ARE THE SAME-AS our partner. In this brave new era of marriage, we recognize that we are all flawed human beings here to learn the lessons we came here to learn. We understand that we both have our own flavors of dysfunction that must be looked at, understood, and addressed. We recognize that we both have beliefs that hold us hostage in some areas of our lives that must be dismantled. We own that we both must learn to become whole human beings – meaning that we have explored ourselves deeply and have come to love and accept ourselves, inclusive of our shadow selves.
The new era of marriage means that two whole people who love themselves can come together, share their lives together, enhancing each other’s happiness, and grow together through any marital problems within a system made up of shared values, life dreams, and goals.
The new era of marriage means true intimacy through mutual cherishing, open and honest communication through vulnerability, and emotional connection.
This is a completely NEW relationship.
This is NOT the relationship of our parents and grandparents.
The “old way” of marriage that is crumbling away is the way of our grandparents and parents. It was a relationship based on companionability that was “suitable enough,” lifestyle, and social status.
But today, in marriage, conscious people want so much more from one another. We want long walks together on the beach, long talks that are vulnerable, productive, connective, and intimate. We want great sex 10, 20, 30, and 40 years into the marriage and beyond. We want a lifelong best friend. We want someone who wants to grow as a person alongside of us, someone who can be accountable and has a deep desire to develop themselves as a person. We want someone who wants to build a life with us based on a shared vision.